I've found a positive feature in summer; so far, the only one, but it might be enough: fruit. There's something inherently awesome in gorging myself on fresh strawberries and cherries in our backyard That said, these Mid-European summers are well nigh unbearable, even without the "deathversary season" thing. If nothing had happened last year, probably I'd've ended up trying to get further northwards anyway. Latest self-insight: the optimal solution would be to work with as she has much better "people skills". This also has to do with a recent development: I'm trying to get into a (free) warehouse management + forklift driver course, which mom doesn't like (no surprise; she's been told to discourage me from anything that might result in getting an actual job), but if it works, I can start earning money and thus visit her on my own. In the meantime I put together another motivational soundtrack (kinda funny, it contains a lot of metal but hey, "whatever works for you", right? ):
Centhron: Leichenreiter
Dalriada: Hadak Útja
KMFDM: Godlike (Ultimate Loud Mix)
Korpiklaani: Vesilahden Verajilla (At the Gates of Vesilahti)*
Korpiklaani: Northern Fall
Nachtmahr: Weil Ich's Kann
Nordfront: Erkennt die Gefahren
Nordfront: Nenn mich wie du willst
Nordglanz: Heiliger Gral
Sabaton: Ghost Division
Sabaton: White Death
Satyricon: Repined Bastard Nation
:wumpscut:: Loyal to my Hate
:wumpscut:: Pooch
Which reminds me that I need to get at least some of my old harddrive's content back; there was some pretty rare music (including Hungarian RAC/rechtsrock, which I used to avoid for a while but now I'd like to rediscover) and other entertainment material on it, even medical instruction videos (dissection films) and such... *sigh* Sometimes I wonder why we rely on technology so much if it breaks down so easily. But then again, some people rely on prayer... There is a Skinner pigeon in all of us.
Also, speaking of deathversary season, I had a nice dream about Heydrich We were walking in a forest, quite casually (for some odd reason he wore modern clothes, and looked surprisingly good in them ), and he at one point told me in a very serious voice that I shouldn't be sad that he's gone, but happy that he was here, and that I should understand it's better this way than if he lives through the end of the war, because then probably he'd've ended up in the Witch Trials along with the others. Then he held my hand for a while and I woke up. What a sweet scene
In the meanwhile I'm still hooked on reading; the latest find was Göran Tunström and The Desert Letter. Young Jesus trying to find himself - I totally expected it to be Christian propaganda, but nope, it applies to any talented young person in any era, in any circumstances. Might I be undergoing the same process? If yes, it would be nice to have an "instructor" like John, lol

*: , if you see this, would you please translate the lyrics for me?